Note: This does not address the question as originally put, but does address (or try to) the issues that Melange has since raised:
Thanks Russell. I hope this isn't considered a derail, but my fear comes not just from 'dying', but 'how'. The thought of plunging 35000 ft to my death just grips me with visceral fear, more than any other sort of death. Or do people just lose consciousness before that happens? Morbid, but if they do it's probably a good thing no? :/.
It won't help (even though it should :-) ) - look at all the airline stats from airlines you would ever be willing to fly with - and look at your typical life expectancy. If you travel then the chance of your dying on an aircraft is FAR less than the chance that you will die form some other cause. Air travel is REALLY safe. Hiding in an airline cabin is probably safer than walking down a city street.
FWIW: I used to be "somewhat nervous" about flying - not scared but 'aware'. When booking a flight across almost the whole diagonal of China (up to Urumqi) I looked up accident stats for all Chinese airlines. While they are not known as the top of the safety list, what I found cured my 'nervousness'. Totally. That was not a conscious result. Nor expected. I have been "carefree" when flying ever since. Perhaps too much so :-).
(1) The likelihood of dying really should be noted compared to daily alternatives. They are low
(2) There are many worse ways to die (and yes, I've thought about this and other options). It's likely to be un-useful to get into any sort of detail BUT very worst case in a mid air accident you might be conscious to some degree of what was happening for a period measured in minutes. I imagine it far more likely that one would be killed outright or be immediately unconscious in most cases. (I did some quick web seraching and stats seem not to be instantly available. They WILL be available somewhere - BUT may well not be beneficial to pursue. ).
I've been hit head-on and side-on by cars while motorcycling.
I've seen a lady (only once) trapped in a car by crash impact.
Unpleasant death over hours days weeks and years is NOT the norm but is "common enough" in our world.
NB: Odds are that however we die our deaths will not be excessively terrible events, BUT they may be, and the chances of this being in an air accident are utterly minimal.
If you dug into this in any detail the affect MAY be to make you feel worse about dying overall. Not desirable :-(. OR may be to help with the subconsciously driven fear from air accident death. As I noted, in my case, just reading up on air accident statistics for all Chinese airlines was enough to erase a long held "discomfort" which I was not really aware was present or able to be removed. Whether it would help you the same way I utterly do not know. A talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist may help. Or not.
In my 1st car-motorcycle accident the bike was written off, I was thrown through the air and sustained a broken leg. As soon as I could I got back on another very small motorcycle, strapped my crutches on the side, and rode it 12 miles to work each day. NO fear issues.
In my second accident I was hit head on - due to stupid and illegal behaviour by two different car drivers. I underwent surgery for what were essentially minor injuries (leg torn open nicely) BUT did not get back on a motorbike for about 3+ months. When I did I had a built in vast fear of other vehicle. I would veer and brake when I felt threatened. I realised that this was rational enough as people MIGHT do what the two people who tried to kill me did. My normal driving is what was irrational :-). No matter how hard I tried I could not overcome the behaviour. I bought a small car. After a year the car died. I got back on the bike and I found I was back to normal. The time off had somehow dispelled the fear.
My point is that our minds may follow unconscious paths that do not fully track what we think we think :-). Finding what the mind is really concerned with and dealing with it MAY help. It did in my case.