Since I'm a noob myself and I always wanted to try this type of meditation I was wondering if there are temples in Kyoto where I can experiment zazen in a friendly-and-noob-proof environment where even the more ungraceful tourist is welcome.
There are several temples in the Kyoto area as well as Osaka which allow you to do this. However, not everyone every day. So you should check one of the several different lists of temples (one, two, three) offering anything between overnight stays, vegetarian food, copying sutras with a brush pen (which cleanses your mind), zazen meditation, lectures etc. Some open only on special days, some meditate in the early morning, some later in the day, some only allow women. So some study will be required on your side before you show up somewhere. In any case, I would ask your hotel to help you reserve a place. While the lecture might be in English, the person answering the phone might not speak it.
But Zen is not equal zen. There are three main schools of Zen in Japan, and each temple has it's own variations and sub-types of the schools.
The most noteworthy temples
Another thing you might want to try is the famous vegetarian cuisine at the Torin-in temple.
Most of them probably are in Japanese only, though.
If you have the time, another option might be to stay one (or a few) nights in a temple in Kouya-san (1.5h train ride from Osaka). It's quite beautiful and definitely worth visiting. Many temples there offer lodging, and joining the monks in their morning meditation is usually a part of that (optional). But since it's the origin and headquarters of Shingon Buddhism, I'm not sure if it's the kind of medidation you're looking for.